Parenting 101 . . . sort of

This weekend we had our first two sessions of Parenting in Process - courses on adoptive parenting. These weren't so much about the process of adopting as they were about the challenges involved in adoption. We talked about the developmental stages of children and how they can be different with adopted children because of their early experiences. We talked about strategies for talking to our kids about adoption, dealing with unwanted comments from strangers, attachment issues, losses and gains in adoption and issues specific to transracial adoptions. We were able to talk to an adult adoptee from Korea and hear her story and ask questions, which I thought was the most valuable part of it all. Some of her answers surprised me and some were what I expected but everything was helpful.

The classes were spread out over two half-days and I thought that the second day was most helpful because the 8 people in our class had gotten more comfortable with each other by that point and were able to share some of our experiences. We met a couple from the Coos Bay area who are adopting from Ethiopia and are in about the same part of the process as we are. It was good to talk to them and I think we were able to help each other out in understanding some things or passing on some information that we had. I hope we can stay in contact with them and apparently Holt will arrange a reunion for all of us when we are all home with our children. That could be a while because the other two couples were adopting from Korea and Thailand which have different timelines than Ethiopia.

Another great thing about these sessions was that we got a real sense of how devoted Holt is to these kids. They provide so much support for the families that are already home and have lifetime relationships with many families. There are a lot of adult adoptees who were adopted through Holt who have come back and worked for them which says a lot about their experiences. We watched a really good video with adult adoptees talking about the challenges they faced and the ways their parents could have helped them more with those challenges, and the amazing thing was that though they had struggled with things, they were still positive about their adoptions and wanted to help other families who were adopting.

I'm really excited about the annual Holt camp outs, which are for all adoptive families, and the Holt camp which is for older adoptees who are really starting to deal with the tough issues. The camp is completely staffed by adoptees and seems like a great resource, which is something that many other agencies don't offer. It made me so glad that we chose Holt and gave me a lot of resources that I think we will need somewhere along this journey.

So though it wasn't a typical parenting class, I think it was incredibly valuable for us and helped us really think through some difficult issues. Surprisingly, though some of these things were hard to talk about and think about, we both came out of it more excited than ever about this adoption.