Ben

I don't want to write this, as if by writing it I am disrespecting Ben's life; reducing it to words. At the same time, I feel like I must say something because he meant so much to us and people need to know that. So here it is:

Ben Hawkins, a great friend of ours and our employee for 3 years at Chapters was killed in an accident on Sunday night. We have had really strange weather this last week and on Sunday night there was a hailstorm that left ice on the road in some areas but not others. Ben and his wife Rachel were driving along Bell Road and hit a patch of ice and slid into the ditch. They weren't hurt, but got out to inspect the damage. Another friend of Stefan's and mine from high school (and an amazing and wonderful guy who was also friends with Ben and Rachel) was driving the same way with his wife and they came around the curve and hit the same patch of ice and slid into Ben as he was standing by the road. They did CPR but Ben was pronounced dead at the scene when the paramedics got there.

Those are the facts that I've repeated countless times over the last two days, and I've become almost numb to them, but it is so much bigger than that. Ben was so important to us . . . he was really like a brother to me while he worked at Chapters, driving me crazy and making me laugh at the same time. Aidan loved him and asks me where Ben is (not just these past couple of days, but ever since he switched jobs and hasn't been around as much). I know it's a cliche but it does feel like a dream. Just the other day we were talking about his upcoming interview and he spilled the drink Cynthia had made for him all over himself . . . in his interview clothes! It was such a Ben thing to do and we were laughing and feeling bad and trying to help him all at the same time. Aidan ran and got the mop and the wet floor sign (he loves to use it) and we cleaned it up and he went home to change . . . and he got the job! He called us to let us know that it must have been good luck spilling that drink, so we should stop feeling bad. When I think him, I think about that, and I can't reconcile it with the idea that he's gone.

This has completely shaken our world, especially the Chapters community. Ben was the face of Chapters to many, and the fact that he lived life so fully makes it that much harder to imagine life without him. Ben was that guy who did everything over the top (in a good way). He filled up the straw dispensers until you could barely yank out a straw because they were so full. He stacked cups so high at the bar that you couldn't see over them. He would overfill your drink just so you would get your money's worth. He would remember your name and your drink every time. He wanted to make sure that everything he did was done to the best of his abilities and he succeeded. I know that people remember him that way and I just hope that Rachel and his family can see how many people he touched and that he will never be forgotten.

Nick (our friend who was driving the car that hit Ben) is also in my prayers and thoughts. The whole situation is so awful and tragic, but the fact that they were friends means that he has to grieve Ben's death as well as process the whole incident and I'm not sure how possible that is. I know that Nick has a wonderful family and community support system, and I'm thankful for that but he needs a lot of prayer as well.

I'm sorry for all the sad talk, but this is consuming us right now and it felt wrong to ignore it on the blog, which has most of the important (and many of the mundane) things that happen to us on it.

Ben's service is at 1:00 on Thursday afternoon at George Fox and afterwards I'm sure Chapters will be a gathering place for his friends. I hope it's a place where we can find healing and closure with each other as well as celebrate what Ben meant to all of us.