Parenting 101 . . . sort of

This weekend we had our first two sessions of Parenting in Process - courses on adoptive parenting. These weren't so much about the process of adopting as they were about the challenges involved in adoption. We talked about the developmental stages of children and how they can be different with adopted children because of their early experiences. We talked about strategies for talking to our kids about adoption, dealing with unwanted comments from strangers, attachment issues, losses and gains in adoption and issues specific to transracial adoptions. We were able to talk to an adult adoptee from Korea and hear her story and ask questions, which I thought was the most valuable part of it all. Some of her answers surprised me and some were what I expected but everything was helpful.

The classes were spread out over two half-days and I thought that the second day was most helpful because the 8 people in our class had gotten more comfortable with each other by that point and were able to share some of our experiences. We met a couple from the Coos Bay area who are adopting from Ethiopia and are in about the same part of the process as we are. It was good to talk to them and I think we were able to help each other out in understanding some things or passing on some information that we had. I hope we can stay in contact with them and apparently Holt will arrange a reunion for all of us when we are all home with our children. That could be a while because the other two couples were adopting from Korea and Thailand which have different timelines than Ethiopia.

Another great thing about these sessions was that we got a real sense of how devoted Holt is to these kids. They provide so much support for the families that are already home and have lifetime relationships with many families. There are a lot of adult adoptees who were adopted through Holt who have come back and worked for them which says a lot about their experiences. We watched a really good video with adult adoptees talking about the challenges they faced and the ways their parents could have helped them more with those challenges, and the amazing thing was that though they had struggled with things, they were still positive about their adoptions and wanted to help other families who were adopting.

I'm really excited about the annual Holt camp outs, which are for all adoptive families, and the Holt camp which is for older adoptees who are really starting to deal with the tough issues. The camp is completely staffed by adoptees and seems like a great resource, which is something that many other agencies don't offer. It made me so glad that we chose Holt and gave me a lot of resources that I think we will need somewhere along this journey.

So though it wasn't a typical parenting class, I think it was incredibly valuable for us and helped us really think through some difficult issues. Surprisingly, though some of these things were hard to talk about and think about, we both came out of it more excited than ever about this adoption.

The Evan Song

Aidan's cousin Evan came to visit today, which Aidan has been waiting for all week. This morning he came into our room at about 7 am and climbed in bed with us. This was unusual because the standard morning consists of him calling to us to come and get him out of bed which we do so that he doesn't wake Bridget up, but apparently the excitement got him going on his own. As he cuddled up next to me he whispered, "I sang the Evan song when I was coming to your room this morning Mommy." I was too tired to ask how "the Evan song" went . . .

Don't tell Poppop!

Saturday morning while Stefan slept in we were watching a show on the Food Network (the name of which I can't remember) starring Jamie Oliver and he was hunting mushrooms and then making a meal using the ones he found. He prepared a delicious looking risotto and I said, "Wow, doesn't that look good?" Aidan's response was, "Ummmm . . . Mom, I'm not exactly a mushroom fan . . . " He just kind of trailed off after that, maybe because he was watching the show, or maybe because he realized what a dangerous thing that is to say when you're a Czarnecki.

Home Study

Yay! We finally got all the documents put together for our home study! Tomorrow I can send everything to Holt and then they can look through it all and schedule our interviews. One of those will be at the office and the other will be at our home. I'm hoping we can get those done by the end of the month or at least the beginning of March. Once those are done we wait for them to write up and notarize the final home study and then once we get the notarized copy we can send it in to the Immigration Department along with more documents and an application to adopt an orphan from overseas. We'll have to get fingerprinted and then hopefully they'll approve us and we'll be able to send in our dossier, which will start the process of waiting for a referral. So we're still at the beginning of the process, but it feels like we're making progress!

Love is in the air!

We are officially "involved" in three weddings this summer! Luckily they are spread out with one in June, one in July and one in August but I still find myself thinking about weddings a lot lately! My friend Megan is getting married in June and I just got together with her on Friday and was caught up on the latest plans there. In July my cousin Kristen is getting married in San Diego and my whole family is going down for a week, which will be a fantastic getaway for us. Then in August Stefan's brother Chris and his fiancee, Mary are getting married and Stefan, Aidan and Bridget are in it!

On Saturday I got to go shopping with Mary and Francie for Mary's dress! It was so much fun - talk about the best part of the whole planning process! We went to two shops and she tried on probably 15 dresses but when she put on the last one it was clear that it was "The One." She looked soooo beautiful and just perfect in it. Once I had a good grasp on the colors of the wedding I went home and ordered a pattern for Bridget's dress and my mom is going to make it for her. . . she will be so cute!

On the adoption front, we are still gathering documents for our home study but we're almost done! I just need my medical exam and then we can send everything in and get our home visits scheduled! Yay!

Family

We went to see Lisby in "Arsenic and Old Lace" on Thursday night. I don't think I'm being biased when I say that she was brilliant! She plays Aunt Abby and her chemistry with Aunt Martha was just amazing - both of their characters were hilarious. Apparently her "old lady" walk was inspired by Bridget, as well as her way of wheeling her whole body around when she wants to look behind her. It was pretty funny and Aidan and I are going again on Friday.

Ethiopian Food

We had our first experience with Ethiopian food today! We met a couple of families in Portland at an Ethiopian restaurant called Dalos Kitchen. Both families are very close to traveling - they both have referrals and are waiting for court dates. It seems like that's the most difficult part - they have pictures and information but they can't see their children!

We really enjoyed meeting them and finding out about their adoption journeys, and we loved the food! It was the first time I had ever eaten a whole meal without utensils but it was a lot of fun. Ethiopians make a sort of sour crepe-type bread that they eat with everything. They use it to scoop up the food like a spoon and it's a really important part of the meal and the experience. I think injera (the bread) is somewhat of an acquired taste - it's not bad but I didn't love the texture. Apparently it grows on you and you eventually crave it, if you tend to eat it a lot. Anyway, we had Chicken Tibbs, which is in a mild curry sauce and some lentils and vegetables, which were really tasty. I'm looking forward to trying more dishes and maybe learning to make my own!

Nothing new on the adoption process front - we are waiting for doctors visits and birth certificates before we can send stuff in. Stefan is getting more excited and we're both wanting things to move a little faster.

Here are a few facts about Ethiopia that make us even more anxious to find our child!

• One in ten children die before their first birthday
• One in six children die before their fifth birthday
• 44% of the population of Ethiopia is under 15 years old
• 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
• The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years
• 720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone, and there are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia.
• Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any other African country
• Half the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.
• 88% will never attend secondary school.